Monday, September 25, 2006, 11:00 PM
i didnt go to the 'model' thingy because I wanted to be a model!
its cause that woman kept calling me and bugging me...and i wanted her to get outta my life so i dragged my mum along with me to get it clear to her.and now madd told the world.
great.
now i must be thought as some daydreamer who doesnt know her limits.
my reputation is tarnished.
sigh.
please.i know i am fat.
i know i am not pretty.
i know i got a tummy.
i know i got fat thighs.
so why would i dream of being a model?!
sigh.
it doesnt matter.
today is the first day i went for first breakout, second breakout and home with my own class and other friends. its dumb, but i actually feel a sense of achievement. i am learning not to be so dependent on madd. i am learning to widen my social circle. or so i hope.
headache.giddy.headache.giddy.stress!!!!!
its like just the 3rd day of sch and I am already so tired...52 days to go..oh man, i cant take it already. first is vball, then piano, now this. :'(
coach throw ball and scream at me. nvrmind.
piano teacher keep stressing me to go for lessons. nvrmind.
teachers keep nagging and nagging for me to speak up or get lousy grades. whats next.
heard the setter finally wanna come to our team. but why do i feel so upset??
rena wants her in cause she's good. madd wants her in because its her friend. i dont mind another player, but I still feel upset.I mean...this new presence will actually change the individuals again. like some chain reaction, what if the setter takes over sii? I wanna stand on siii's side cause I have seen how much she has put in to become a setter. but if that girl really is better and takes over sii, sii will get to play libero again, then what happens to phloy? chain reaction.
but i dont wanna see anyone get hurt or feel dejected and upset. i feel for everyone. i really dont wish to see anyone get hurt and I hope that wouldnt happen.
whatever it is, i love the team you girls rock my world. :)
pms.not feeling well.time to sleep. nite nite.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006, 9:55 AM
001. Real Name - melissa.
002. Nickname - mel.melanie.miyuki.michelle (dont ask me why :).
003. Single or taken - i am da swinging single :P
004. Zodiac Sign - capricorn.
005. Male or Female - female.
006. Elementary School - St Matthews Church Kindergarten.
007. Ipod - er, does creative zen micro mp3 count?
008. How many buddies on your list - huhh?
009. friendster name - Mel mel? I dunno eh :P
010. Hair Color - dyed brown but still looks somewhat blackish
012. Hair Long or Short - Longgggg.
014. Eye Color - Dark brown.
015. Are you health freak - errr.i got like a tummy and chicken drumsticks for thighs?
016. Height - 1.62-1.63? i know i'm short! :'(
017. Do you have a crush on someone - if you count those taiwan serials stars like mike he and zheng yuan chang and zhang dong liang then yes, if not then nope :
018. Do you like yourself - hmm..i dont know about that.it depends.
019. Braces? - my teeth are straight!
020. Think you're awesome? - man, that sounds really egoistical, shan’t answer that. :X
021. Piercings - the norm.2.
022. Tattoo - i got!some temporary powerpuff girls ones.those national day ones. ^^V
Your 'Firsts'
024. Surgery - when i was 12. 8 stitches to my fingers on a surgery table.
025. First piercing - when i was 9?but failed then tried again and again.
026. First best friend - Eh, i got more than one. Liyi, Bei Fang, Jie Hui and Belinda.027. First Award - A swimming competition and High Jump competition when i was 11?
028. First Sport You Joined - Hmm..i dunno. I think badminton or bowling.
029. First pet - terrapin or hamster. forgot already la! =030. First vacation - perth? but i was only like maybe 12 mths old so i dont remember =
031. First Concert - Yamaha concert where I had to play a piece on the organ at age 5.
032. First love - er. i not sure!!!!!! *sweatdrop*Favourites
033. Favorite movie - hah. ice princess, harry potter, she's the man, what a girl wants, alot more?
034. Favorite tv show - my taiwanese drama serials!!!! :D er zuo ju zhi wen, er mo zai shen bian, wang zi bian qing wa, wei xiao pasta and some jap and korean ones035. Color - blue, white, pink, lilac
036. Music - more chinese pop. :)
039. Drink - peach green tea? :P040. Body part not on the face - HUHH..i have no idea.
041. Cartoon – Hello Kitty, Baby Cinnamon, Mashimaro
042. Favorite piece of clothing – my esprit green top043. Brand Of Clothing – roxy, billabong, adidas, u2, bosini
044. What do you sleep with – my bed and loads of soft toys. haha
045. Favorite School – River Valley Primary School! (:046. Favorite Animal(s) – doggies and rabbits and hamsters :D
047. Favorite Book – definitely shopaholic.
048. Favorite Magazine – seventeen and teens049. Eating – hah, too many to name. now you see why I am fat. Aww, you reminded me! *sobs*
050. I'm drinking – my saliva? >_<
052. I'm about to – watch my drama serial and play maple story?
053. Listening to – sundial dreams
055. Waiting For – a prince that will never come.
056. Watching – this longgg irritating survey!
057. Wearing – haha.the esprit lengthy green top that I mentioned earlier and jeans and green earrings and tube. Your Future
058. Want Kids – yah, maybe 1 or 2.but I want my figure too!
059. Want to Get Married – who doesn’t. But only if I ever find my prince *drools*
060. Careers in Mind - tai tai also! Any job that pays high and does little…hahaha. I can just so dream. Anything related to medicine, finance and banking. Hotels management and acting. Which is better with the Opposite Gender
068. Lips or Eyes – those twinkling eyes. :O
069. Hugs or Kisses - hugs. Kisses are like…only saved for one?
070. Shorter or Taller - taller.
072. Romantic or Spontaneous – a mixture of both? The best of both worlds nicer. :P
073. Nice stomach or nice arms – as I mentioned, the best of both worlds.
074. Sensitive or Loud – sensitive. But he definitely cant be too soft spoken so I know what he thinks or feels.
075. Hook-up or Relationship - relationship. hook-ups are for kids.
076. Sweet or Caring – best of both worlds!! :X
077. Trouble Maker or Hesitant – If he’s a trouble maker (always gets into trouble) because of his cute and clumsy ways, then that’s ok. Its good to have more laughter in my life. :)
078. Kissed a Stranger – accidentally? I think so. In primary school. If pecking is considered. ><”
079. Drank bubbles – bubble tea?? =DDDDD I love bubble tea! :DDDDD
080. Lost glasses/contacts – I think I lost my first pair of glasses. :P
081. Ran Away From Home –never ah. No $$! And I have too many precious stuff at home. 082. Broken a bone – nope?
083. Got an X-ray – for my teeth and fingers.
084. Broken Someone's Heart – erm...that sounds very familiar. >_<”
086. Turned Someone Down – I didn’t mean it. But I just cant picturing being together with someone I don’t love, its not fair to them. *sigh*
087. Cried When Someone Died – Yah. It’s the first time I lost a grandpa and being a girl, i am naturally more emotional so my taps turned on. =(
088. Cried at school – yeah. I got bullied.I always get bullied. =’( Do You Believe In
089. God - yes.
090. Miracles – Not sure.
091. Love at first sight – Love at first sight cause the person didn’t see closely, but at second sight no more. haha
093. Aliens – lol.havent thought about that since like primary school.
094. Magic – yes. Harry potter rocks! :P
095. Heaven - yes.
096. Santa Claus – yes. But I guess I have never been a good kid. haha
098. Sex on the first date – MADNESS. Unless I am stupidly in love, which is really…stupid. 097. Kissing on the first date – If its someone who I have been with before as a best friend then maybe a kiss on the cheeks. If not, no. I mean, act decent.hahaha
099. Angels – I have never thought of it either!
Answer Truthfully
100. Is there someone you want to be with right now? – sigh.yes and no. don’t ask me this again.
-Here is the deal: 1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question. And there you have it...
01 How does the world see me? –I’m a dreamer. Oh man. I am a dreamer?! =’(
02 Will I have a happy life? –I will find you-sunshine. Huh!? I will only have a happy life when I find YOU.
03 What do my friends really think of me? 能不能在靠进一点点-er zuo ju zhi wen. Hah, they think I am not close to them and lock myself in my world arh, saddeddd.. =’(
04 Do people secretly lust after me? –we’re all in this together-high school musical. Hahhh?
05 How can you be happy?-我只想要-7 flowers. Haha.even this shuffle knows what I need to be happy.sigh
06 What should I do with my life? –好久不见
07 Why must life be so full of pain? –最终话-jolin. Even this song express how I feel. Sad…
08 Will I ever have children? –日日夜夜-张栋梁. Haha. Nonsense! I become mother pig already ah!
09 Will I die happy? –麦芽糖-周杰伦. If I eat mai ya tang I will die happy? Hahaha.
10 What is some good advice for me? –harry potter theme. Great, they want me to be a witch. I also wantttt!!! :P
11 What is happiness? –In loving memory-alter bridge. I guess they know real happiness is once owning it and lives in your memory forever.
12 What's my favourite fetish? –I’ll never fall in love again.
13 How will I be remembered? –真爱-183 Club. Haha, by my love? :P
14 What is your love life like? –Shan Hu hai. Omg! That’s damn sad!
15 What's your life motto? –我们小时侯-tank.
16 What do your parents think of you? –那一年-张栋梁. Hah, they miss my cuter young and cheerful self? =’(
17 What's your favourite hobby? –遇上爱-Rainie. Omg, haha. What a hobby I got! =
18 What does your best friend really think of you? –海豚弯恋人. Right…
19 What's the worst thing about you? –Come What May
20 Describe your mind. –靠进一点点.
21 How will you die? –爱情大卖.
22 How does your crush feel about you? –青春纪念册-可米小子. Haha.Right.Like He would ever take me as so important.
23 What is your wedding going to be like? –Inside your heaven-Carrie Underwood. Romantic seh! :).
24 What about your honeymoon? –If we hold on together. Awww…
25 Describe the last day of your life. -一个人的星光. I bring happiness to everyone. :)
26 Why does life suck? –Sexy Naughty Bitchy Me.oh man. =X
27 Why does life rule? –Guardian Angel. I got one? =D
28 What will you be famous for? –Superstar-Jamelia. Right~~I am a superstar!!! :D
29 What's the craziest thing you'll ever do? –li xiang qing ren. Go after the guy of my dreams? =
30 Will you achieve your goals? –应该-Sylvester sim. :)
31 What will your future job be like? –启程
33 Overall, will you be happy? –At the beginning
34 Or will you just deal with it? –好爱他 好想他 :(
Name twenty people you can think of right now.Don't read the question(s) until you've named the 20 people.
At the end of this, choose five people to do this.
1)Janis
2)Madd
3)Si hui
4)Shi Rui
5)Shu Hui
6)Rena
7)Zhi Jun
8)Gillian
9)June
10)Roy
11)Perng Ceat
12)Kai
13)Valerie
14)Jinwen
15)Jiehui
16)Liyi
17)francis-coach
18)Wong
19)guan thye-guys coach
20)wen yan
How did you meet #14(jinwen)? – his friend is my friend but not from this school and he wanted to borrow my vcd, so I had to pass it to his other friend in this school, which is him. confusing right! =X
What would you do if you didn't meet #1(janis)? –My life would be duller cuz she’s a joy :)
What if #9(june) and #20(wenyan) dated? –Errr…2 girls?! June got her shuai shuai darling sweetie pie already lo.haha.
Would #6(rena) and #17(francis) make a good couple? –DUH! Imagine both of them playing beach volleyball in the sunset..wooohoooo.so romantic.wahahaha. ^^
Describe #3(sii). - one talented setter and a great friend. :)
#8(gillian) attractive? –wah. If I say yes, she will be jumping and screaming for joy already! I shall maintain silent… =P
Describe #7(zhijun). -haha. this is good. naggy naggy mummy! But she’s really like a big jie jie to me. She’s sweet and caring. :)
Know of any #12's(kai) family members? –duh. Haha. Mum, dad, sister.and that yellow giraffe.hahaha
What would you do if #18(wong)(this part got cut off). haha. no idea what's the qn)
What language does #15(jiehui) speak? -this guy ah…hmmm…nonsense. Hahaha! :D but whatever it is, he has both a nasty and sweet tongue. :P
Who is #9(june) going out with? –Norrrr, her shuai shuai darling sweetie pieee..haha
How old is #16(Liyi)? -18 la.same bday as rena. haha
When is the last time you spoke to #13(valerie)? –errrr, 5 minutes ago. She’s my lil’ sis. Duhhhh.
Who is #2's(madd) favourite band/singer? –I dunno! I only know she like Darren hayes-so beautiful. :P
Would you ever date #4(shirui)? –HAHA. *faint* If I date her and we get married, we would be the most dunno how to wash clothes and do housework and scared of the dark and scared of ghosts couple. That means HAVOC. Hahahaha.
Would you ever date #1(janis)? –she’s WONG’s! mel never steals her buddies lovers. :P
Is #19(guan thye) single? –I think so? I don’t think anyone wants him =X
What's #10's(roy) last name? –errr. Ng? Same as me? I dunno his Chinese name leh! =
Would you ever be in a relationship with #11(perng ceat)? -this guy is sweet but but no la! Aiyoooo…he’s madd’s lao gong number 1. wahahaha.
School of #3(siii)? -rp lo. that's where i met her in the first place.
Where does #6(Rena) stay? –HAHA. THIS ONE I KNOW. TOA PAYOH. Hehe. I am smart. Wahaha :D
What's your fave thing about #5(shuhui)? –her character. She can brighten up everyone’s day. :)
have you ever seen #2 (madd) naked? –errrr. NOOO!!!! I cannot imagine ah! Help!!! ><” hahaha
Okay, here’s the five unlucky people to do this survey, its kinda fun actually!
haha. saboing time
1) valerie
2) rena
3) jiehui
4) roy
5) shuhui
Friday, September 15, 2006, 12:10 AM
Tuesday, 12 September 2006.Haven’t updated in a long time…Xiao Mo Gu’s complaining already. Haha
She really looks like Mo Gu (mushroom) in her pei qun primary school yearbook. She got my dad’s old spectacles! Like those in the 60’s. Mo Gu went retro style in primary school. Wahahaha… :P
Nothing much to write about during this holiday, except the volleyball trip to m’sia.
Had so much fun shopping and eating really cheap yet yummy food there! Bought wang zi bian qing wa frog cushion and mingdao’s book of pictures for my little sis and a mashimaro mini bolster for myself and bleach necklace for my little bro.
We all had a lot of fun there, except for the occasional irritating things that irked me until I exploded. =X and boy was I pissed. Forget it. Not worth mentioning it.
Phloy, shu and me had fun playing with roy and perng ceat and jumping all over their beds and we ate a lot of their chcolates (I ended up putting on 1 kg. Sigh.)
Now holidays are spent watching Taiwan drama serials, my favourites being er zuo ju zhi wen and er mo zai shen bian. :)
Found the star earring Qi Yue wore in er mo zai shen bian and the really really cute pants and t-shirt earrings that Xiang Qing wore in er zuo ju zhi wen, so I went to bid for them on yahoo auctions =X .haha. How I am gonna do the transaction is another thing. Sigh. $10 for the er zuo ju one and $7.50 for the er mo zai shen bian one. Cant wait. :)
Saw a red adidas track jacket 2 days back, it looks really stylish. I want! My dad offered to buy it and I said no. Gosh. I cant believe I actually said no. RAH! Now I am regretting it… T_T nevermind, shall nag him again.
I realized that there’s a major change in me. I lost interest in many things I used to love to do, such as drawing, baking cookies (even though the outcome is disastrous), reading…etc. I am just not the girl I used to be. I just feel so lost. No sense of identity. Afraid of socializing with new people. Stones at home instead and still cant figure out what I wanna do with my life. What do I intend to do after I graduate? Go university. What School? What Course? I dunno. What occupation do I like? Doctor? Can I even make it? Banking and Finance? Tour guide? Actress( So that I can meet my favourite actors)? I dunno. Everything also I dunno. My laptop is spoilt and I cant even be bothered.
I cant even appreciate anyone that’s nice to me except my family now. It’s like I have learnt to be anti-social and have built a really solid barrier around me now. No one can walk into my heart and have it shatter into pieces again. No one can even come close…
Volleyball is one thing I still really strive in. I really wanna play well. Spike well. Receive balls well. Serve well. I can finally do the open palm serving! (but accuracy is only about 50%. sigh) My spiking has improved too, or so kai said. I actually enjoy spiking. Coach praised me for once last Thursday too ( I must have been crazy to dive and end up with so many bruises and a swollen knee). I wanna work harder and be as good as everyone else (though I know I am dreaming). Never give up! Watashi gambarimasu!
I wanna learn a lot of things, like how to be more girly, stylish and learn to put on makeup like a lot of others do, learn the Japanese language…so many so many.
1.05 am and I am still typing on my Microsoft word, being unable to connect to the internet on this freaking laptop. Right. And I got piano lesson at 9.30am in the morning, and I couldn’t even practice for the past 2 weeks because my right middle and ring fingers got slammed by my bro’s toilet door and it hurts when I try to apply pressure on it. So screwed. Zzz.
Gotta go sleep already. Back hurts. Yikes.
Thursday, 14 september 2006
I wanna sleeeeep!
so angry with myself at vball practice today because I totally sucked. my fa qiu more than half cannot go over the net, my jie qiu also not as good as last thursday!! Damn those days that girls are left with no energy because of our flowing taps.zzz
1 week till school reopens. sigh. not really looking forward to it! i am not really a very very sociable person.I dont dare talk to people one. =P